I'm getting so tired of this shit..

Almost every time I'm in a conversation with her or she gets in,
it turns into a fucking discussion and she has to win.
She has to prove that I am wrong or that her values are stronger.

Why has this shit to happen?
I like her, she is a good friend of me. I had a wonderfull time with her and I do not regret anything.
I don't want to get into this damn discussions anymore.
For her it's a competition the whole time.
I prefer to just go... leave the room or place, I can't make her understand my points or ideas.

Is it because we had sex?
Was I not good enough for her and she wants to make me understand that?
Am I less then her?
or could it be that she is hurt with me in anyway?
That I didn't wanted to become more serious with her?
Does she feel insecure about something? Us as friends?

Why is it so hard for people to just tell?
I know you probably think why don't you ask her, what is wrong?

It's complicated, I see in her eyes that she does not want to share... and with people that are like that... you just can't do anything.
Just wait... wait until the person feels 0k to talk about it

Was it just a game before we hooked up?
It does seems that I got played...

I know that things can never be the same after sex is involved
but you can at least try, I mean you don't have to fake that everything is peachy but at least make an effort.

Why is it easier to hurt and pick on someone then just keep loving and feeling good about the person??

No air...

I don't usually put this kind of videos here, but I've listen to this song so many times and there are times when i just feel like this..

I know it's corny but I do have a soft spot for romance and love :P

I got robbed :S

Me and my brother got home from an evening full of joy, happy moments, drinking beer and dancing with the ladies.
We get inside through one of the main doors here in the building and we meet up some drunk and angry fellow.
We tell him to get out of the building and escorted him against his will out of the door. But he got back in.. yelling that the the flats were flooded, some main pipe was broken or someone broke the main pipe to fuck up the apartments, he explained
I follow him a bit in to the main yard (we got a nice and big yard here in our building) and I can see from across the yard on the third floor the water just poring from a pipe down to the yard. I follow the 3 floor with my eyes and I can see that people are outside their flats worried and trying to get the water out.
As we get up to my flat to check things out I can see that someone has robbed me, the furnitures are all destroyed by the water and all my values are gone. I was waking around in my flat with water to my ankles checking for all the stuff that was gone.
I got angry and frustrated, "The bastards robbed me.." was the only thing I could say and think of...

Putting one and two together, the person or those who robbed me, broke the pipe intentionally to make things worse.. just for me not for the entire building??
Another thing I noticed was my apartment, it was different. Bigger and better. I had sliding doors to a balcony, lots of art... kinda the way I want my apartment to be.

That's what I can remember from my dream.

I focus on the pain...

Something About Us

It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there's something about us I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be the right one
It might not be the right time
But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life

Sounds good..

Changes...

Come on and hit me baby!

Music was beating loud on the speakers when I walked out of the shower
Took by mistake a look into my eyes through the mirror and I saw a glimpse of my soul.
It was scary but a real thrill.
I saw my thoughts and problems disappear.
As I come back from it, I see myself in the mirror.
There is a huge smile.

It's a first time for me doing it on myself, and it happened by mistake.
I have been able to see other peoples eyes like this but never on myself.

I have to try it again.
I'll try it again some other day.
For now...

I have absolutely nothing to be worried about.

Take care!

There's a storm ragin deep in my soul
There's a howling wind that I just cant control
There's a fire inside me I cant explain

by the horns..

Woke up very anxious today, perhaps a bit to grumpy.
Slept not so good.
I had a lot in my head, a strange dream that i couldn't quite figure out, vibes at work that I couldn't understand either, you know something is up but, it's way to blurry to see it clear, a whole bible of issues just popped up in my head.

All this made me over analyze, things and feeling that I though I was over, that I normally don't put so much into thinking.
I normally think well If it didn't work well fuck it, I move on. I can't be thinking my whole life on what it could be, but today I was analyzing every little fucking thing.
The worst thing was that I could not talk about it, vent or anything... well actually I didn't want to talk about it because it's really nonsense, I had the damn bull by the horns but I couldn't figure things out because people kept asking me what was wrong.

...I'm over it now, thinking about it now... and it's like it always is.
I have moved on, nothing bothers me at this moment..

Feeling fucked up again, it feels good :D

Vibes... hmm?

Something is definitly up

I still get these funny vibes... am I going mad?
I know that is not in my head, cus I've had felt these vibes before.

Perhaps the most sane thing to do is just let this vibes flow.. but I am curious about what they are about.

Anyhow.. It's good to be back at work.

Cheers.

*PS: I have bought sunscreen :P

**PS: Did you know Tommy is dead?? Check out the video

Funny vibes and Miss Piggy

Great first day..
Nice to see "ze" people again.
Many told me that I would be a wreck after 6 months of not doing anything, but to be sincere... it was like just another day.
A few new faces and a whole lot of the same.
I had a funny yet awkward vibe a few times... can't put my finger on it yet.
I'll just see what happens.

Will I dream something today??

Tell you Mom I said Hi!

*Tip: Don't forget to get some sunscreen..

**I love Miss Piggy!!

Just a thought...

Did you know that you are amazing...?

Tired and about to sleep.

little mix of what has been played here...